Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
