Screwed.edu
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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