I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
