Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
