Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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