whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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