I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
