So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
