Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
