I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
