I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
