Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
