The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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