i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
