I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
