bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
