I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
