Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
