no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
