its not stalking. its research.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
