I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
