Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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