Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
