Soap is not a condiment
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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