I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
