booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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