is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
