and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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