My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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