It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
