You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have already put on my inside pants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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