I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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