you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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