be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
