So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
