Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
