So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
