so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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