so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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