They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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