Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
