I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
