I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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