dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
