i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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