i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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