I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
