I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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