whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
