awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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