i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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