I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
