at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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