I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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