My sheets look like a crime scene.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
