It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
