Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
