I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
