I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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