FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
