you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
