dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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