she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How's work?
Spinning.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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