i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize