My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
