proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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