we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
