I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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