after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
