If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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