my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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