If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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