Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
