All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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